Suzapalooza’s Weblog

Or Suza for short…

Progress January 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — suzapalooza @ 9:13 pm

In the past I have had a typical on again off again relationship with the gym. I’m sad to admit that I didn’t go once for the entire month of October. I probably went 5 or 6 times in November. But, the second week of December, I was inspired. Since then I have gone at least 3 times a week, but usually closer to 4 to 5 times a week. Unfortunately I haven’t lost any weight. I gained a few pounds when I was in California in December and I was super disappointed that I couldn’t get rid of them. So, on the slim chance that I have been losing inches, I took my measurements.

Since the last time I took my measurements in October, I have lost an inch and a half around my arms; one inch around my stomach; and one inch around my thighs!!!!! I couldn’t believe it! It is amazing how much this little bit of progress has inspired me to work even harder! I don’t even care that I’m not losing weight! It won’t be too long before I can fit in my goal size.

So as a reward, I bought a new pair of running shoes. Yay Nike outlet store at Colorado Mills! I got a pair of shoes that were listed at $82 for only $40! For the first time in a while, I’m excited to go to the gym tonight!

 

Saturday Evening in Southern California December 7, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — suzapalooza @ 10:11 am

I’m having a good time in the “Inland Empire” aka the 909. It is always fun for me to remember how much I love spending time with my sister, Jini. She’s two years older than me and we’ve been best friends since I was 13. I’m so blessed to have her in my life. We’ve had some really tough times, and sometimes I feel like she is one of the few people who understands where I’ve been and what I’ve been through, because she’s been there too.

We got engaged on the same weekend. We got married the same year, just 4 months apart. I’m not gonna lie. I thought that our relationship was seriously going to change. Her life is altered, and mine isn’t. On November 11, 2008, Zoe Ezra Rose was born. Jini’s life is going to be seriously different now. I thought that now that she’s a mom we wouldn’t have anything in common. To be brutally honest, the morning of my flight out here, I didn’t want to come.

Zoe’s due date was December 3, and my trip was scheduled to be from 12/2 to 12/9. I had hoped that Zoe would wait and this would be a fair well trip to my fun, hip, career minded best friend. But, not only did she not wait, she was born 3 weeks early. So I had some time to amend my expectations of this trip. Many of  you know my aversion to having kids. I guess I’m just not ready, but some times I think that my life would be much better off if I never even have any. I guess it’s an ongoing struggle in my brain. Since I was going to be helping my sister and bro-in-law (which is feeling more and more like a real brother every time I get to hang out with him), I figured that this would be a good chance to open my mind and my heart and really consider if now is the right time to start having kids of my own. I saw this trip as the beginning of the road to wanting children. Seeing Jini, who I knew was born to be a mom, and spending time with Dervin, the proud dad, I thought would open my eyes to see the joy of kids! Turns out that after seeing all that, I’m still just as selfish as before. I’m still not ready. It’s a little disappointing.  That certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t ABSOLUTELY love my niece! She is truly a doll! But I just don’t want any of my own! It’s so frustrating! I feel like there is something wrong with me.

I guess I’m just a little bummed out. Generally, I’ve been having a really nice time. I’ve been able to encourage Jini to get back into her healthy daily routine of walking in the morning for a mile or two. She just told me earlier how I’ve been able to show her that it is ok to take Zoe out and enjoy activites. I’ve helped decorate their house for Christmas, and helped pick out their Christmas tree, and do some of their laundry, and help keep up with the dishes. Ok, mostly it sounds like I’ve just been doing chores, but it’s been a really relaxing trip and I have genuinely enjoyed myself. I’m glad I came. Even though I’m not ready for my own, I can certainly appreciate the baby. It’s also nice to see that Jini is still the same caring, thoughtful, insightful, beautiful best friend/sister as before!

 

I’m OK… October 30, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — suzapalooza @ 9:03 pm

Not that anyone has asked, but here it is. Everything is going REALLY great!

Peter’s new job is starting to pick up for him. He is currently somewhere in Europe. This is his second international trip in a month, and I’m excited for him.

I’ve been trying to decide which one of us has it better. Most of the time he is stuck in a hotel or a work trailer taking measurements (yes, it’s as boring as it sounds). But he does get off days where the company pays for expensive meals, and he gets to explore a city he’s never been to before.

Meanwhile, I’m working almost 50 hours a week because it’s really hard for me to want to leave work to go home when I know that Peter isn’t going to be there. I have to do all of the household chores by myself. I don’t like to talk on the phone when I’m at home because as soon as I hang up I feel almost choked because I’m even more alone than I was before I picked up the phone. BUT! I get the full use of my car. I don’t have to share. When I go to the store I can spend as much time as I want looking at the clearance section without being concerned for the growing impatience of my husband. I get to go to church. I get to hang out with my girlfriends. I can go to bed at 8 pm if I want without having to defend myself. I can stay up reading in bed until midnight if I want.

I decided that I have it better. I hope I don’t make it sound like I’m glad that Peter is gone. I’m not. But if I don’t focus on the positive, I’m going to be a weepy basket-case. So, in making a list of all of the pros of being by myself for an uncertain amount of time, I just made my day better.

 

5 Miles! August 29, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — suzapalooza @ 6:37 pm

I’ve been going to the gym quite regularly these days. Usually I go 2 days in a row then take a day or 2 off. So last night I went to the gym after taking 2 days off. I was expecting to have a great workout, but I surprised myself! I was able to run 5 miles in 54 MINUTES! I was even on HILL MODE!

So I am not losing very much weight (according to the shipping scale I have at work) and to be completely honest, I haven’t lost much in way of inches either. But I feel like I might be finally getting in shape! For now, that is enough of a result to keep my going!

 

What’s going on August 15, 2008 August 15, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — suzapalooza @ 8:37 pm

Against the good advice of my husband, I’ve decided to write a blog without a firm subject. So, please pardon the rambliness of this post and I’ll try to keep it short-ish.

My father-in-law moved out a couple of weeks ago, so that’s a relief. Plus, he is still taking Peter to work in the morning, and that is a huge help.

I am probably about a month away from my big promotion. I can’t tell you how excited I am! I’ve been looking forward to this since January, and really, it’s what I first had in mind when I moved to Colorado 2 years ago!

Many of you know that for my birthday last month, Peter bought me a puppy! She’s so cute and tiny still! But the best part is that she is fitting SO well into our family, it’s like she was meant to be just for us! If you want to see pictures, I’ve posted several of her on myspace (I would have posted pictures, but that function is blocked at work).

I have to admit that I spent so much time with Ally when we first got her that I neglected the gym for too long. However, I feel like I’ve been making up for lost time and the past week I’ve been consistently working out at least every other day, and they have been kick-butt work outs! I have to say though, that Peter is AMAZING at helping me to remember why going to the gym is so important to me, and he’s been really great about encouraging me to get my butt out the door!

I finally got my nose pierced! I’ve been wanting to get it down for quite sometime, but because of fear I haven’t. I’m so happy with it. Also, on the same day Peter got his first tattoo! I think it is SO hot!

We are still looking for a church in our area. We (painfully) decided to stop going to ORCC because we are trying to take care of our 1 car and since it has a 26-gallon gas tank, we’ve been trying to cut down on unnecessary traveling. It isn’t so much the 40 mile round trip that was hurting us, but the 4 to 5 times a week that we would make the drive. Anyway, we’ve attended Faith Bible Chapel a couple of times and we are still trying to decide if that is where we are supposed to be. Your prayers in making good decisions are welcome!

 

Stuff June 28, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — suzapalooza @ 12:07 am

I’m going through some stuff right now. There has been a lot of stuff going on. I’ve just got STUFF! I feel like my heart is breaking, but I don’t really understand why. I’m trying to keep in mind that other people have stuff too, and they aren’t trying to avoid me, they just have stuff.

I just REALLY, REALLY want to make sure that my life and my decisions and led by God and not stuff.

 

Catalyst – Wednesday 6/11/2008 June 13, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — suzapalooza @ 1:38 am

Last night was my last night at Catalyst as a leader, at least for the summer. A couple of people knew and offered their encouragement, which was extremely nice. With everything that was going on last night, it spoke volumes that people would take the time to offer kind and supportive words to me.

During worship, we sang a song that Mark Thomas had written while him and his beautiful wife were going through a super tough time of loss. I don’t remember the name of the song but the chorus goes something like this (I don’t remember exactly, but Kimmie helped me to remember this much):

It’s your love that rescued me

It’s your love that set me free

It’s your love that made a way

And it’s your love I will proclaim

I was singing and doing a pretty good job of keeping my mind and heart focused on God. When we sang through the chorus the first time I felt how moving it was just to think about God’s amazing love He has for us and how He’s rescued us from an eternity in Hell. But the second time we sang through it, it brought me to tears. God showed me a picture of a time in my life when I was questioning everything including if I wanted to remain a Christian. I just couldn’t seem to shake off the temptations and the desires to sin and make bad choices. I felt completely lost and all alone. But God showed me that I was on a path that once I made it through that rough time it brought me closer to Him. (I’m tearing up as I write this, thinking about what a wonderful and loving God we serve.) He never left me and he made a way for me when all I wanted to do was deny Him.  And even though I still struggle with thoughts of shame about that time, last night I felt that He truly wanted to set me free with His love.