I’m going through some stuff right now. There has been a lot of stuff going on. I’ve just got STUFF! I feel like my heart is breaking, but I don’t really understand why. I’m trying to keep in mind that other people have stuff too, and they aren’t trying to avoid me, they just have stuff.
I just REALLY, REALLY want to make sure that my life and my decisions and led by God and not stuff.
Last night was my last night at Catalyst as a leader, at least for the summer. A couple of people knew and offered their encouragement, which was extremely nice. With everything that was going on last night, it spoke volumes that people would take the time to offer kind and supportive words to me.
During worship, we sang a song that Mark Thomas had written while him and his beautiful wife were going through a super tough time of loss. I don’t remember the name of the song but the chorus goes something like this (I don’t remember exactly, but Kimmie helped me to remember this much):
It’s your love that rescued me
It’s your love that set me free
It’s your love that made a way
And it’s your love I will proclaim
I was singing and doing a pretty good job of keeping my mind and heart focused on God. When we sang through the chorus the first time I felt how moving it was just to think about God’s amazing love He has for us and how He’s rescued us from an eternity in Hell. But the second time we sang through it, it brought me to tears. God showed me a picture of a time in my life when I was questioning everything including if I wanted to remain a Christian. I just couldn’t seem to shake off the temptations and the desires to sin and make bad choices. I felt completely lost and all alone. But God showed me that I was on a path that once I made it through that rough time it brought me closer to Him. (I’m tearing up as I write this, thinking about what a wonderful and loving God we serve.) He never left me and he made a way for me when all I wanted to do was deny Him. And even though I still struggle with thoughts of shame about that time, last night I felt that He truly wanted to set me free with His love.
So a lot has been going on and I have been greatly neglecting my blog. I can’t fill you in on everything, because 1) I don’t really have that much time and 2) I can’t quite talk about some of the stuff yet. First off, I’m not pregnant, so try not to jump to that conclusion. I know that I haven’t blogged for a little while but I am TOTALLY swamped at work which leaves very little time for blogging and also, I am trying to exemplify a good work ethic and hard work to my new assistant.
Here goes: Good things are happening at my work for me. We have been crazy busy and that is good for growth. Many of you know that back in January I was told by my boss that I would probably be getting a promotion later this year, possibly around October. Last month he informed me that the position that I would be moving into needs to be created within a couple of months. At the time I had a part-time assistant and so we offered her a full time position taking my place, but she had already retired and enjoyed working part time, so she turned it down. I was kinda relieved because she was a nice person and a good worker, but she had a couple of annoying habits and very different views that I have. I was also excited because I had an opportunity to pick my new assistant. I got to hire my good friend Kim. She’s been here for almost a month now and she is catching on pretty quick. During her first week I was really nervous because she doesn’t have a whole lot experience with Excel and my job pretty much revolves around Excel. But by the end of her first week I realized what a great thing that is because I feel like she is a blank canvas. I told her that in 2 months she will be my masterpiece! It’s going to be really good because I don’t have to un-teach her anything, she can learn everything the right way (a.k.a. my way). In the end, everything is going to turn out really good, it’s just really hard to deal with right now because I have new responsibilities, but I still have all of my old responsibilities, but when I take care of those I have to go slow so that I can walk Kim through everything so everything is getting really backed up and I have a mountain of work. But she is taking on more and more everyday and I can’t tell you how proud I am that she is really working out. Not mention that it presents her with a great opportunity. This industry is growing right now and it is a great way to get much needed office experience that will help her to grow with this company (for as long as she chooses to stay) or anywhere else that she might move on to.
As with several of the leaders in Catalyst Peter and I feel like we are in a transitional time in our lives. It makes me sad because of all of the changes (some not good, some great) that are going on in Catalyst right now that I wish I could be a part of, but for now, at least for the summer, Peter and I are stepping down from leadership at Catalyst. We feel like we’ve been giving out so much of ourselves that we’ve really been neglected receiving from God and the Pastors at ORCC. And to be brutally honest, we’ve noticed a difference in our relationship. So we are going to spend the summer finding a balance between giving out of ourselves and replenishing from our Source and spending time focusing on each other. Part of that is returning to the Young Professionals Married Group that meets a couple of Thursday nights out of the month. And let’s not fail to mention that we are hopefully going to save a fortune in gas by not going to church 4 to 5 times a week!
Working out is going great! I’m still really pumped and excited about going. I’m not going to lie, though. Last week I felt like giving it all up. But I made it through that rough patch and I feel like I am more dedicated than ever. Also, I’m more sore than ever. And while I haven’t lost as much weight as I had originally thought I would, I’m pretty sure that I’m losing inches in a few key places and I know that I’m building lots of muscle. In all, I’ve lost 8 pounds. I’m really stoked because I just bought a new pair of jeans yesterday and I actually went down a size!!!!
Peter’s father is still living with us. I’ve come to the conclusion that God may or may not have brought him here to help Joe get his life right and get back on his feet so much as to help Peter and/or me to learn something. I know that I have been really struggling with patience. I just don’t like people in my space touching my stuff. I mean, I can handle it when we have friends over but after a few hours, they leave, and I have my space back again. This is just different. And I know that Peter has been struggling with some of his own issues with his father living with us, which I won’t go into.
So I guess those are the four major areas of my life right now. Now that I am getting to have a little bit of down time at work again I’m looking forward to writing a little bit more consistently. We’ll see how that goes.
